I remember the night she was born. Nothing was going like we had planned. She wasn't wanting to come and Colyn and I were so frustrated with how I was progressing. I was in light labor for 4 and a half days. In that time the doctor had tried just about everything twice. I was at my due date and nothing. Well except that I was out of my mind tired from 4 nights of walking the halls in my house. We were both really confused about what was happening seeing that all my deliveries have been 6 hours or less from first contraction to birth.
Finally I went into labor, and we went to the hospital. My doctor followed immediately after I called him certain that he would be back home in an hour or two. My body was totally tired. I think it was too tired to kick into gear. I had told Colyn that entire pregnancy that I didn't want an epidural. He thought I was nuts. I in the end got one because I could hardly stand I was so tired. I am scared of epidurals. I had a bad experience with Jaxon. Ever since, I've been apprehensive of the thought of getting another one. I had a bad feeling about this one though. I just felt really uneasy, but against my better judgment had it done anyway. It is possible that this epidural caused nerve damage that eventually lead to my health issues in 2009 but we will never know. However, I knew it was a mistake from the moment it was put in. No more than 20 minutes later my entire body was numb. My breathing was labored because my chest muscles were numb. My face was numb down to my gums and eyes. You know what this feels like if you have ever had your pupils dilated and they numb your eyes. It was freaky. So there I was at 1 am having to sit up straight in bed. Not being able to rest after 5 days now of labor. It was a nightmare. They had to let the medicine wear off so that I could breath easily again.
The labor was still not even progressing normally so they gave me pitocin. Contractions were at 2 minutes apart, then 8 minutes, then 5. It was slowly coming along. The nurse checked me at 3:00 am and I was at an 8. She said she would come back in an hour. It wasn't probably even 3 minutes later that my epidural had worn off and I could feel quite a bit. I started screaming to have the nurse come back in. She checked me again and Olivia was right there. The bed hadn't been broken down, my doctor was sleeping and hadn't been paged, and they told me not to push. Now for all of you that have had a natural birth know this is sort of impossible right? I held it, I don't know how. I have always had an incredible tolerance for pain, my mom says that I just go to my happy place. Almost like I check out mentally of what is actually going on. I guess I kind of do. I just stared into the ceiling light in a trance until something snapped me out of it. As soon as I heard my doc walk in I screamed and pushed and she was on her way. He had enough time to get one glove on to deliver her on top of the hospital bed. I remember how bad it hurt, my doc said that my epidural had completely worn off. A lot after that is a blur. I got one picture of the delivery:(
Having experienced both natural and unnatural deliveries (even though I did have pain medication for part of this one) I have to say that this was such an amazing experience. Does that sound crazy? I cant imagine having had birthed 4 children and never experiencing what it felt like, what my body was actually capable of doing. I would never get another epidural again. Not just because it was a bad one but because I felt so connected to the experience. It was such an adrenaline rush and I felt so proud of myself after it was all done and over with. I felt so connected to Olivia. It makes it all so real when your body is experiencing it and not just your mind and your soul. I know that sounds crazy too. We have had such a strong bond, Im sure she wanted to make sure that we got off to a great start. Going through all of that was a bitter sweet experience. I wouldn't change it. It was perfect despite all of the bad.
I have had such an amazing time so far with this sweet little girl. It has gone by way too fast. I wish life would slow down so that I could enjoy her as my baby for a few more years. I love her so much. She has changed our family. Little girls are such a special gift. They are truly princesses. Thats what we call her. Our princess. That may come back to haunt us in about a year or so, but it is what she is to us :) I think she was worth all the pain to get her here. She is amazing!
